Finding hope in difficult times

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.”

-Barbara Kingsolver

This has long been one of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite authors. It’s one of my goals for my clients - and what I work toward - to help them figure out what they hope for and to live inside that hope and take steps to make it happen.

But today we are experiencing overwhelmingly difficult times. How can you hold on to that feeling of hope when you’re feeling overwhelmed by circumstances that seem (and today often are) beyond your control?

How can you hold onto hope when you’re experiencing grief over the loss of so many things that made life “normal”?  

How do you hold onto hope when the news and the numbers seem to get worse each day?

Having a sense of meaning in our life often gives us hope. Particularly during a time of crisis or instability, having a sense of meaning or purpose protects our mental health and gives us strength and direction for moving forward.

But in these recent months, two of the things that often give meaning to life – our work and our connections with friends and family – have been disrupted.  The pandemic has limited our interactions with those we love and enjoy spending time with. We’re feeling isolated and stuck at home.  The ensuing recession has resulted in the loss of jobs for many, and for others, anxiety about safety on the job as well as the loss of job security.

It’s a lot.

So how do we cope in the midst of such uncertainty and worry? How do we re-connect with our hopes and dreams?

Here are a few tips to try.

Adjust your goals.

In January of this year, in a blissful unknowing of what 2020 would become, I wrote a bucket list for the new year, the beginning of a new decade. Yes, go ahead and laugh. Many of my “20 for 2020” goals involved travel, visiting new places, completing another half marathon and other dreams that became impossible by late-March. Now, in July, I find myself re-writing that bucket list for the second half of the year – adjusting my goals to what is now possible within the limitations of pandemic life. There are still things to cross off – I’ve learned a bit of French with the help of online programs, read some novels, and hiked a few new trails. But I’m re-writing other goals. That half marathon is now cancelled. My dream of seeing a fjord in Newfoundland will have to wait for another year.

To work through the grief and hopelessness that it’s easy to fall into, we have to modify our goals to make them realistic for today -and also to give ourselves a sense of progress, of moving forward, even if at a slower pace or in a slightly different direction that we first imagined.

It’s important to keep those long-term hopes alive, however, focusing on achievable short term goals, can help us find meaning and purpose again.

Ask yourself: What can I reasonably do this week or next month within the current restrictions?

If you’ve lost your job, what are some short term steps to take to begin creating some financial stability for the in-between time and to set yourself up for success in your next position? Simple steps may include updating your resume or taking an online class to improve your skills.

Even small daily goals are important. Getting out for a walk or helping out a neighbor can help create a daily sense of purpose and achievement.

Practice optimism.

My family often calls me “Pollyanna” because of my tendency to look for the silver lining in difficult situations. But surrounding yourself with optimism is a way to raise your spirits. Find people who regularly see the bright side of things and give them a call. Soak up their positive vibes and begin to practice looking for the moments of joy and simplicity in each day.

Make a list of your achievements. 

This is especially helpful for those who have been hit hard by job or business losses. It’s a way to change your mindset. How have you faced adversity in the past? What have you achieved? This exercise can remind you that you do have strengths, skills and the ability to recover from your current difficulties.

Dig deep.

For many people, faith is a great source of strength and inspiration. Re-connect with your religious faith through inspirational books or music. Most churches and other religious communities are finding ways to connect online or in small groups. Take the time to reach out to your faith community for support and community.

Get outdoors and spend time in nature.

It’s not just about Vitamin D. Research overwhelming supports the positive mental benefits found in being outside. Go for a walk. Water a plant or weed the garden. Just get outside and sit in the sunshine.

Do something for someone else.

No matter how dark things look for you right now, remember that you’re not alone. Helping others can re-connect you to what’s good in life. Donate to a food bank. Send an encouraging note to health care workers or to someone who is struggling. Say thank you to the retail clerk. Small simple things go a long way.

Find your courage.

It’s a trendy word right now, but re-building hope requires the courage to take those first steps forward. Take one small step and then the next. It’s not important how big those first steps are - really the smaller the better. Choose one first step for today and then another step tomorrow. Write a new bucket list. Soon you’ll be on your way to new horizons.

And remember to follow Kingsolver’s advice and actually figure out what you hope for. What do you hope we will find on the other side of these troubled times - as individuals and as a society? What changes do you hope for in your own life - new career, a renewed sense of purpose? What changes do we hope for as a society? Dream big. We can hope- and work - for real systemic change that makes the world better for everyone.

Figure out what you hope for and live inside that hope. Hope will get us through.

Anita Flowers is a Board Certified career and life coach at Blue Sage Career Strategies. A little different than most life coaches, Anita’s background in clinical psychology and years of experience as a counselor gives her a rich understanding of human development and family dynamics. Her work history includes 13 years working with an international business company and 12 years doing individual and family counseling as well as career counseling. This blend of counseling and business experience gives Anita a unique perspective on the world of work and life. Anita works with people literally all over the world to help them discover a life and career they love.   Contact Anita here to get started on your new career and life!