It’s a lot.
We’re in uncharted territory. Most of us have never experienced a global pandemic, quarantines, restrictions on our movements, and to top it all off now, world-wide protests and curfews as a result of the murder of George Floyd and centuries of systemic racism.
We’re trying to work at home while homeschooling our kids or we’re coping with the anxiety of furloughs and layoffs. Or we’re “essential” and heading out to work each morning worried about our own health and that of our family. Or we are desperately running the numbers, wondering if our small business will survive.
Like I said, it’s a lot.
And it can really take a toll on our mental health. I’m putting on my mental health counselor hat to talk about the rising experiences of anxiety, depression, and burnout. These problems can look like brain fog, irritability, procrastination, low or no energy, insomnia, and serious depression
It’s hard to get work done, difficult to be patient with the kids, and next to impossible to maintain a normal focus during the work day.
I’m hearing from clients and friends who are experiencing new or increased anxiety and/or depression. I find myself pulling out my depression and anxiety screening checklists during career counseling sessions to help clients evaluate their level of distress and assess the need for referral.
Lack of focus and productivity is a common complaint. Some clients find themselves avoiding situations that they normally would have taken charge of. Others are finding themselves in full meltdown – perhaps for the first time ever. The lack of control and uncertainty about the future create a perfect storm of anxiety and depression.
So how do we get through this?
First of all, we have to recognize that these reactions are normal. All of these feelings are normal and expected reactions to sudden change and stressful experiences.
Take a minute to look around at all the changes. How many ways has your life changed in the last three months? Are you wearing masks, working at home, moving back to the office from working at home, standing in line to get in the grocery store, finding your favorite coffee shop closed? Are you spending hours each day on Zoom? Take a minute and write down all the changes you have experienced in the last 3 months.
Again, it’s a lot.
Change creates loss. We have lost our “normal” lives and are living in weird, unpredictable times. Those feelings of anxiety, sadness, and depression are a normal reaction to all those changes – changes you have no control over. We don’t know when life will return to “normal.” We don’t know what school will look like in the fall. We don’t know when a vaccine will be available. We don’t know… so much.
However, there are some practical things you can do to help manage your emotions and feel a greater sense of control in this out-of-control world.
Create a regular routine.
Things have changed. The old routine that worked before COVID-19 is gone but it’s still important to create a regular schedule that will help things feel more predictable. That’s what routines do – they help life feel a little more predictable and give us fewer decisions to make each day. Our brains can go on autopilot, even if just for a moment, and that gives us a break from constantly making new decisions. We know what comes next.
Try to create some consistency in your day. If you’re working from home, create a work schedule, and take a full lunch break - away from your desk. Create family routines. You don’t have to have a strict posted schedule, but plan morning reading time or a walk at lunch. Keep regular mealtimes and bedtimes.
For the next step, try to add an activity that increases your well-being - something that makes you feel calm and stable. You can consider meditating, cooking, coloring, going for a walk, or taking up crochet. Try a few minutes of Downward facing dog (resets the nervous system and activates big muscles), blow bubbles with your kids, blast your favorite music before work, take a hot bath after work, count backwards from 100, roll a golf ball under your feet while you work.
Build this activity into your regular routine. Go for a walk every day at lunch. Listen to an uplifting podcast (not the news!) while cooking dinner. Have a dance party every night with your kids. Find what works for you and make it consistent.
Put down your phone!
Take a break from social media. It’s so tempting to check Twitter or Instagram every hour for the latest news and updates, but getting too immersed in the media increases the toll on your mental health. Continual scrolling creates information fatigue and increases the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Set limits on your social media consumption. Limit scrolling to certain hours of the day, and preferably not before sleep. Check the news at lunch or before dinner and then put your devices away and opt for IRL (in real life) activities or some lighthearted videos.
And don’t hesitate to unfollow social media accounts that increase your stress or worsen your feelings of anxiety. It’s okay.
Identify what you can control in your own life.
We’re living through a global pandemic. Plus global protests over racial injustice. Plus economic recession. Plus all the summer camps are canceled.
It’s a lot.
It’s important to remember that much of our life was never in our control to begin with. Economic crises, weather, corporate layoffs and so much more impact us in ways we have little control over.
What helps is to focus on what you can control. Consider what is within your power.
When you feel anxious, ask yourself: What can I do right now? What actions can I take right now? How can I respond to this event or uncomfortable emotion?
If that’s too much, get really basic.
Try this exercise from the University of Rochester Medical Center:
Before starting this exercise, pay attention to your breathing. Slow, deep, long breaths can help you maintain a sense of calm or help you return to a calmer state. Once you find your breath, go through the following steps to help ground yourself:
5: Name FIVE things you see around you. It could be a pen, a spot on the ceiling, anything in your surroundings.
4: Name FOUR things you can touch around you. It could be your hair, a pillow, or the ground under your feet.
3: Name THREE things you hear. This could be any external sound. If you can hear your belly rumbling that counts! Focus on things you can hear outside of your body.
2: Name TWO things you can smell. Maybe you are in your office and smell coffee, or maybe you are in the kitchen and smell onions. If you need to, take a brief walk to find a scent. You could smell soap, a candle, or your officemate’s tuna fish salad.
1: Name ONE thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like—gum, coffee, or the sandwich from lunch?
Focusing on those tangibles can help you feel more grounded and less out of control.
Find a hands-on project.
Clean the house. Pot a plant. Learn to crochet. Bake bread that requires kneading.
Doing things with your hands can help calm your mind and relax your body. It’s a tangible thing. We see something completed and that feels very satisfying.
Activities like crocheting and even washing dishes can become a form of mindfulness which helps calm the nervous system and settle our emotions.
Choose an easy or fun project to get started. Clean out your closet. Try a new recipe. Make a collage. Make a bracelet. Make a card for a neighbor or for your kids. They will love it - which leads to…
Help someone else.
It’s a cure for feeling helpless. Think about what you can do to help a loved one – or even a stranger. Donate money to a food bank or pick up groceries for an elderly neighbor. Practice random acts of kindness. Pay for the person behind you in the drive-through. Help your partner with the dishes or volunteer to pick up dinner.
When you’re feeling down, helping someone else can remind you that you can create positive change – and improve your attitude at the same time.
Feel your feelings and accept them.
